Taking Things Too Seriously: An Objective and Non-Sarcastic Look at Prom Night's Dance Scene

The mood is tense. Wendy, the beautiful blonde-haired bombshell, is snubbed from a date to the prom, and so she's obviously upset that she has to go with Lou. Kim, who's just a little bit frumpy with her teased '80s hair done up into a sort of afro curlier than a nest of pubes, is not about to let Wendy get the best of her. As soon as Kim sees Wendy make her triumphant entrance into the prom, she grabs her date with a flourish and decides that a dance-off is just the thing to make Wendy wish she'd never started this debacle.

Instead of the lame music the DJ is spewing from the PA, they throw on some really groovy, danceable tunes - a song that pretty much just repeats the lyrics "Prom night!" over and over again, as if the dancers needed to be reminded where they were so that an orgy doesn't ensue after such raucous shimmying and shaking.

Nick and Kim proceed to take the dance floor by storm. Tango dancing? Sheesh, that's not as erotic as the flailing hand gestures and head spins that they pull out of their dance repertoire! Kim's hair moves like a dead piece of roadkill atop her head as she flails her bottom out, while Nick mirrors her movements in the most erotic display of synchronized swimming ever done on land. They raise their arms up and down, staring into each others eyes as though the secret to world peace lies somewhere in those deep wells.

All Lou and Wendy can do is look on, Wendy with disgust and Lou with buck teeth, as Nick and Kim tear up the dance floor like Japan after the Sendai Earthquake. Nick's got the booty-shaking down to a science, and the only thing more distracting than his hip rotation is the calisthenic workout that they do after it. Pretty soon they move on to the karate chop, making the dance floor a dangerous place for anyone who wants to join in - luckily, no one does. A panty-flashing flip ensues - is Wendy a little turned on? 

The music cuts out a little, but the audience ain't ready to quit yet. They clap along; who knows if they're really into the dance routine, or if it's something more akin to a brawl where no one can look away. A dizzying dosey-do later, and everyone's joining in - if Kim and Nick look the fool, then why can't they? There's no rhyme or reason to the dance, just lots of swinging arms and glittery bodies. One can even imagine the drops of hairspray dousing the floor.

Finally the song ends; the exhausting dance is over. Nick and Kim really cut a rug tonight, but there's more cutting to be done on this prom night. I give this dance 7 afros out of 10.